


If it Isn't You, and it Isn't Me, What Are We Waiting For?

by Not_a_Real_Writer



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, Moceit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-12-17 05:00:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21048698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_a_Real_Writer/pseuds/Not_a_Real_Writer
Summary: Moceit fake dating au, help my relatives think I have a significant other when we are both painfully aware that that's not true, you know the deal lol





	1. My Tongue Ran Faster Than I Could

Patton mutters down into the cookie dough he's kneading, biting his lip as the kitchen clock ticks past the next hour. 

Cookies in the oven. Ingredients, used bowls, and utensils put away or washed or both. Counters wiped down to within an inch of its life. Twice.

He wrings his hands together, snagging the kitchen towel to wrap between his fingers as he waits for his roommate to step through the door. He should be home soon right? Maybe he could help him sort out this whole thing out. Not that it was all that complicated, but his heart was really giving him a run for his money in trying to convince him otherwise.

Why did he get himself into this mess? It was only one ten minute phone call with his brother, and suddenly he was in way over his head for such a small matter.

~

"And you're _sure_ that you can come on the final set date? Remy and I agreed that we would be willing to push the date back and-"

"Emile," Patton interrupts, not unkindly. "I am 100 percent certain that I can make it, and even if I couldn't, that's no reason to push back your guy's big day. You've wanted this for forever, and little ol' me isn't going to let anything get in the way of that."

"I know, I know," he lets out a shaky breath down the line, and Patton heads over to the wall calendar to purposefully check off another day until he can hug his brother again. "It's already going to be a small ceremony. You're my brother, and I want you there. I feel so nervous some days, I think I might just poof like a gem to recuperate, ya know?" 

Patton hummed in agreement, smiling wistfully when Emile tacked on, "The rest of the family misses you too. Everyone is really excited to see what everyone has been up to, and it's been a while since we've had a proper excuse to get together."

"They're going to see me in my Sunday best, and we're all going to make amazing memories, I promise. Because guess what?"

A pause, where Patton can almost see the giddy smile his brother is making on his side of the world, knowing what he's going to say next.

"What?"

"You're getting married."

"Patton you're going to make me cry tears of joyjat work, is that what you want?" He demands without any real bite, and Patton stifled a giggle at the muffled sound of someone blowing their nose.

"You know… Aunt Patty has been doing her usual asking around, and she was wondering if I could ask you whether you planned on bringing anyone around for the celebration?"

He bites back a groan, "I really thought she would have dropped that little habit of hers once I got out of college."

'Really,' he thinks exasperatedly, 'my love life is none of her concern, or any of the family's for that matter. So what if I'veIbeen single for years-'

"You've been single for this long, and they don't need to meddle in your life."

Patton nods along uneasily, even if he knows that it's a silly reaction because it was meant for someone who couldn't even see him. 

"And I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, or maybe they have, but if you don't even want to pursue that route ever in your life, there would be absolutely nothing wrong with that. I, along with everyone else, would support you no matter what."

It's a lot of little emotions that make him say what he's about to, or at least a little of a lot of emotions. A bit of spite for some of his more gossip inclined family members, a dash of panic over something he doesn't want to dwell on, never wants to think about.

"I actually have a significant other that I was hoping to invite along."

There.

They both freeze for different reasons, and Emile gasps in delight as Patton smacks his forehead in a display of panic for no one to see, biting his lip in anticipation for the others response.

"Really?! Of course- I, Patton, you know they're allowed to come, that's what the plus one is _for_ you silly goose, oh I-"

Patton winces as Emile's voice gets muffled as he gets pulled away from the phone for a side conversation at his office, and he does a quick bout of mental math to double check their time zone difference.

"Okay, I want all the details mister, as soon as I see you in person! Don't leave any itty-bitty-bit out, ya hear? I have to go, but, goodness. Patton?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm getting married!!"

He cheers down the line, the both of them exchanging their goodbyes, until Patton is left in the silence of his apartment. 

What had he done?

~

Keys jingle in the lock, and his roommate iseee coming down the hall, following his usual routine of taking off his shoes and coat, setting his keys on the little table by the door so that they won't be forgotten.

"Pat, I'm home," he calls. "I can smell your baking, is everything…," turning the corner,he sets his sight on the other grinning sheepishly up at him, presenting a plate of fresh cookies.

"Hey there Sugar-Dee, want a treat?"

He sighs, stepping closer to grab a cookie, before leveling him with a suspicious once over. No obvious injuries, which was a good sign at least. A faint blush along his cheeks, and chapped lips from his habit of biting them when he gets nervous.

"You're in trouble."


	2. Same Page, Different Books

Dee snags another cookie as Patton sags back against the counter, moving to set the plate aside so that he can cross his arms, one hand idly coming up to fiddle with the sleeve of the cardigan wrapped around his shoulders.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that ‘I’m in trouble’, but I wouldn’t say that it’s not a problem either. It’s a very small, me blowing things out of proportion, small, little, mini, minor, eensy, I’m running out of ways to say tiny- uhh...”

That spot on the ceiling looked mighty interesting right now. Too bad he wouldn't be able to reach it. Unless he stood on top of something tall enough?

“Are you going to actually tell me this oh so small-big problem?” Maybe Dee would allow himself to feel more amused if he couldn’t feel the genuine worry pouring off of the other in waves, but he can’t hold back his wince when he watches Patton bend down to pull out more cleaning supplies before eyeing the kitchen critically, as if he were willing a mess into existence to take care of.

“Patton?”

He slows the scrubbing he began on the fridge door, thinking his words over before sighing. Dee opens the kitchen window, airing out the fumes while Patton gathers himself.

“We’re both aware that I have been-” Dee raises an eyebrow, when he stops to switch tracks. “My brother Emile is getting married. I’m really happy for him, you know how often I’ve talked about their wedding and the big trip. I’m over the moon about this whole thing, and his fiance, Remy, is a real sweetheart, you know? You’ve met him before- the guy that stayed with us for a week about a year ago?”

The image of a well groomed man in a leather jacket, never without a cup of starbucks in his hand comes to mind. “Sassy, and always wearing sunglasses?”

“That’s the one,” Patton nods at his sudsy, warped reflection on the fridge, turning to strain from his place on the floor to grab the discarded drying rag, and Dee moves closer to snag it for him, moving to crouch closer, and pressing it into his hands. “Thanks.”

“No problem.”

Clearing his throat and turning away, he continues, “And that would all be fine and dandy on it’s own, except I told a lie…”

Dee’s eyebrows shoot up, and Patton waves the rag around flusteredly, “I know, I know! That’s not how I usually operate, and it’s not how I like to go about things, because we all know I don’t necessarily think it’s a good thing and I don’t want to be a bad person so I just try my best to be good, and this was such a stupid reason to go against my own morals, it wasn’t even a good reason, just because I was a little sad and trying to ‘save myself’ somehow, I just-”

“Patton.” Dee interrupts firmly, “It’s not stupid if it helped you feel safer, and it isn't wrong or bad if you're ever feeling sad about something." Ignoring his usual inhibitions, he sits completely on the ground and reaches over to pull the other into his lap and into his chest, leaning back against the spotless fridge.

"Now you're hugging me," Patton mumbles, relaxing into his hold, "It's not a big deal."

Physical contact from Dee was for big deals, and important moments of comfort or celebration, not that he himself was ever lacking in initiating casual touching. Of course, he knew that there was a line, and he didn't want to cross it for his sake.

"Well I can't very well be the judge of that if I don't know what the 'deal' is now can I?" His fond exasperation takes the bite out of his words, and he holds him tighter, tilting his head to look the other in the eyes, waiting patiently.

"I'm single?"

A wave of his hand, a silent 'go on'.

"...I told my brother that I wasn't. That I had someone to bring to the wedding. I don't, and on top of that, you know what a terrible liar I am sometimes! They'd never believe me if I tried to make up a story about someone that wasn't there. Lord knows my aunt Patty can get the answers she wants when she puts her mind to it."

Dee hums in thought.

"So I'm assuming that you don't want to tell the truth now?"

Patton moans into his chest, "I think I'd be even more mortified than I already am. The very thought of it is; well, it's not very pleasant."

Admitting his untruth would mean facing the reason he wanted to lie, and that wasn't something he was looking forward to.

Clearing his throat, Dee thinks for a moment longer. "How about bringing someone to pretend?"

He snorts, "Who would want to date me for a three week celebration of my brother's wedding, surrounded on all sides by my close family and their families?"

"Simple. I would."

Dee can feel the other freeze in his arms, loosening his hold to let him sit up and look at him properly, his expression that of open curiosity. At least it wasn't negative.

A beat of silence. Two.

"Wait, why is that so perfect?"

Gradually, Patton's eyes light up, a smile spreading across his face as he warms up to the idea. 

"I'd like to think we know each other pretty well, and that we'd be comfortable together," he blushes when Dee smirks at the position they're both still sitting in, swatting him in the arm while steadfastly refusing to move a single inch, "And, and it might be good for you. You need a vacation, and I can keep an eye on you to make sure that you don't bother with work for a little while. Plus," he adds, "the trip is already paid for.

Dee grins widely, if a little sheepishly at the others insistence to leave work behind. In all honesty, he was right. Patton lingers his focus on the way his smile reaches his eyes, tracing the lines of the snakeskin tattoo on the side of his face before getting back on track.

"How could I refuse?"

"Then… I guess that settles it? Dee Anguis Serpen, will you please do me the honor of attending my brother's wedding, as my fake boyfriend, and real cherished friend?"

Pretending to swoon, he tips the both of them side to side until Patton is left giggling in his hold, "Why it would be my pleasure to attend such an esteemed event with you darling."

Patton ducks his head to hide the rising heat in his cheeks at the pet name, marveling at how calm he feels now compared to earlier, glad that Dee was always able to make things seem easier than they were. 

"So when's the big trip?"

He cringes. Oh right.

"Three...days?"

"I can work with that," he shuffles to grab his phone from his back pocket without dislodging Patton, "I just gotta call the big boss first."

Phone in hand, he wraps his arms more securely around the other, moving to stand suddenly, grinning when Patton yelps in surprise, arms automatically coming up to wrap around his neck.

"You good?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good."

He settles him carefully onto the counter, reaching over to snag another cookie and pressing it into his hand before stepping away, bringing his phone to his ear as he mutters to himself about suitcases, stepping down the hall and presumably into his own room.

Patton sighs, nibbling at the baked treat, and missing the others warmth already.

Three weeks with one of his closest friends, and a family that he's missed for so long. It's going to be great. There's no reason anything should go wrong, Dee's going to be there.

So what if he was in love with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what Dee's job should be lol,  
Apologies if the pacing seems slow, I'm kind of just going with the flow and filling in the blanks between specific plot points I know that I want to have.
> 
> Thanks for reading:D


	3. Invisible Eyes Locked on Me and Mine

Perking up at the sound of the washing machines cycle end jingle, Patton makes his way down the hallway glancing in on Dee's discussion with his boss over the phone. He frowns at the grim look on his face, continuing past his room.

Methodically separating the load from what needed to be hung from what could go in the dryer, he grabs the clean and unfolded laundry in a basket once the rest was sorted and taken care of, rifling through to check over whose clothes these were.

He makes his way carefully into the other's room, quietly gesturing the basket towards the bed, and Dee waves him in with a tense smile and continues pacing while Patton settles in to fold.

"No, I do not intend to jeopardize the integrity of-," he pauses to cover the microphone, sighing up at the ceiling before bringing it back to his ear. "I never claimed to be. I merely stated the truth- was I lying? Are there any inaccuracies with my work or results?"

Patton grimaces down at the fabric of the sweater he's folding, unable to block out the unmistakable but tinny sound of the yelling coming from the phone. His mouth twists into a rueful smile. It nearly reminded him of the old peanut cartoons, the resemblance something he'd have to remember to tell his friend. Maybe that'd get a good laugh out of him? Or a genuine quiet chuckle at the very least?

"Maybe I'll be able to find the time. It's a long plane ride… Of  _ course _ there may be an itinerary, I just know that I am not a person of interest for this event," he turns suddenly, narrowing his eyes at Patton in thought.

"It's a wedding," he finally states simply, smirking at Patton's encouraging double thumbs up. "Three weeks is enough time for my assistant to earn themselves a promotion. I know how often you like to cycle through temps. Yes. I understand. I'll take care of all of it, you know I will,  _ after _ I come back to work. Alright. On my desk. Goodbye."

He taps the screen one last time, slipping the device back into his back pocket before he slides his way across the floor, sinking to the ground, his back to the bed. Letting his head thunk back against the mattress, he grins upside down with triumph up at Patton, leaning into the quick way he smooths his hair out by ways of a silent congratulations before returning to his folding.

"Everything good with the big man?"

"Yes," he says smugly, turning around on his knees to look over the clothes laid out on the bed. "I just have a few tasks waiting for me when I get back, but I can worry about that later. Right now," he stands, "the next logical step is to pack. I assume you've already got all of your stuff together?"

Patton twiddles his thumbs over the shirt in his lap, avoiding eye contact, "Well you see, what had happened was-," he cuts off at the amused snort from the other, grinning as he smacks him with his own shirt, "Oh, you already know I haven't yet. I just couldn't decide what to wear, and dressing appropriately for the weather was never my strong suit."

"Alright, help me decide what to wear in front of your family, and then we can move onto your room."

"Deal."

~

Dee pouts at the clothes littering the ground, glancing at his now barren closet.

"I'm glad that we've come to the conclusion that I have nothing to wear."

Shuffling haphazardly through the piles, Patton bends over to grab another pair of socks, tossing them into the open suitcase pushed into the corner. "Oh we both know that's not true silly- we've already got the base essentials down. Boxers, socks, undershirts, and pajamas!"

He trips over a stray hanger, landing in a heap at the others feet, finishing his sentence without skipping a beat, "Now we just need to find the things you're extra comfortable to wear more than once."

Taking the hand offered to help him up, Patton clasps it between his own, staring earnestly into the other's eyes, "You look really good in just about everything I've ever seen you wear Dee, what's all this really about?"

"Out of the two of us, I had really imagined you to be the more difficult one for us to pack for, you know," he hedges, smiling at the nod Patton gives.

Pulling away, he clears the floor in front of the full length mirror, moving to stand in front of it with his arms crossed, eyeing his reflection critically. Softening his stance when Patton comes up behind him, he shrugs.

"There's your family," he gestures vaguely out the window, before giving himself an obvious once over, "and then there's me."

He flinches at the others gasp, "Dee, more than anything, they're going to like you for who you are- I already do!"

"Well, you're you," he mumbled, reaching up to scratch at his eye, feeling the phantom of an itch under his scar, unable to stop the smile pulling at his lips however. Leave it to the other to blindside his own pessimistic thoughts with his exuberant enthusiasm.

"I'm Patton silly," he teases lightly, subtly swatting his hand away, "It doesn't matter who I am. If they can't accept one of the most important people in my life, which they will, then they're just going to have to deal."

Dee stares at him, mouth slightly parted, and Patton clarifies, "They would have to go through me, and I wouldn't let them get to you. Not for anything."

When Dee looks away again, swallowing down whatever response was bubbling behind the surface, he leans down to pick up a dark knit sweater, holding it up against himself looking the most relaxed he had been since the start of their attempts at packing.

"I'd feel pretty comfortable in this."

"And you'd look great too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I actually know what I'm doing? Actually no, but I'm being incredibly self-indulgent and that's okay uwu


	4. Less Fall and More Slide

Three days later, suitcases packed and given to the care of their airline, snacks and travel bags kept carefully by their sides, it's only once they've passed security, heading to their gate when Patton frowns.

Less for being unhappy, and more for the confusion and disbelief that had finally set in.

"Are we being too calm about this whole thing?"

Dee settles into one of the many vacant seats, curiously glancing around to assess the number and types of people they'd be sharing a flight with. "Not too many," he mumbled to himself, "about three families. Expected of a flight heading to a smaller town in the northwest. No one appears to be in a terrible mood for the..." he blinks, tilting his head once he'd processed the others question properly.

"Calm?"

"Well, yeah. Our entire plan is that you'll be my b-boyfriend, and it just feels like a lot of things could go wrong."

He fiddles with his sweater sleeves, looking Dee in the eyes in snatches, turning away to glance at the time on his phone, more out of habit than necessity. Patton had a temporary boyfriend and a nosy, well meaning family waiting for the two of them at their final destination. Out of the both of them, he felt like he was more than likely to buckle under the pressure if push came to shove.

"Would you feel more comfortable if we made a new plan?"

Patton smiles when Dee pulls out his notebook and pencil, leaning closer to get a better look at the blank page that he turns to.

"Not that our original one isn't already perfect, I just think it could use some tweaking."

"I'll follow your lead fake boyfriend of mine," he says with a wink, pencil poised after he writes a quick bullet pointed note.

  * 'We're dating'

He taps the page, shrugging, "This is our story so far. Anything you want to add."

And wow, aren't those two words enough to make Patton's overeager heart skip a beat. This whole charade was selfish. Very very selfish, and Patton wasn't going to lie to himself and say that he wasn't looking forward to some part of this. He was  _ not _ going to take further advantage of his friend.

Biting his lip absentmindedly, he twists his face in thought before ultimately turning to the other, "I've got nothing. More than anything, I just want to follow your lead," he admits.

Dee hums in understanding, "How about we just go over the bare basics of a relationship- obviously they're not meant to be cookie cutter, because every relationship is unique due to the individuals part of them, but we can work around…" he adds to the list.

  * 'pet names'
  * 'pda'

He looks up in question.

"Well we already give each other nicknames," Patton reasons, "and I don't mind when you call me darling," he tacks on, resolutely staring at the paper. "You won't mind if I do the same to you?"

When he glances up, Dee's smile is small but understanding when he confirms, "I won't mind. As for the other point, I know I'm not usually the one to initiate tactile displays of… well, any sort of intimacy, but I want you to know that I'll be comfortable with anything you are."

Patton's brows furrow, and he nods slowly, "Just so long as you know that I don't ever want to push you. I'll do what you do, and if there's something you don't like, don't you dare try and hide it mister," he wags his finger in emphasis, eyes shining with conviction.

"As long as you can promise to do the same my dear."

A dusting of pink works it's way over his cheeks, and Patton manages to reply his affirmation, hardly stuttering at all, thank you very much.

Casting yet another glance to his phone, he sets his stuff closer to Dee, deciding to head to the bathroom.

"You need anything while I'm up?"

"I shouldn't think so, but thank you."

When he's finally well out of earshot, Dee sighs. Taking a moment to himself, he utters a quiet 'darling', testing the word out for his own benefit, liking the way it flowed from his tongue. He cautiously allowed himself the indulgent spare thought that Patton was  _ his _ darling.

Scrubbing a hand over his warming face, he lets himself fluster, glad that there were only strangers around to bear witness to the evidence of his lovesickness if they would only have the foresight to look at him.

As it were, he is safe from the pry of wandering gazes, and straightens out his hat, waiting for the time to pass, and for Patton to return.

~

Dee thanks the flight attendant for the water bottles, smiling at the wink that they send his way before walking away. Turning back to the other, he swirls one of them in front of his face, gladly interrupting whatever thoughts that had put a frown on his face.

"Do you suppose that they're going to ask how we met?" Patton wonders aloud, finally taking the offered drink, "what are things that they would even ask that we should be prepared for?"

"I don't see why we shouldn't tell the truth for that first part. I know it's not a particularly interesting meet-cute, but I'd like to think it turned out alright in the end."

His answering grin is enough of a confirmation for his agreement, and Dee clinks the top of their plastic bottles together, unscrewing his to take a swig.

He had been a freelance reporter until he'd decided that he was too new to the scene to strike out on his own. Now, years later, he's still working for the very first company that would take him in, and most days he wouldn't change a thing.

Working for *insert name* had meant work and provided housing. Being on the lower end of the food chain had meant sharing living quarters with someone else. Something Dee could never find in himself to begrudge, because that had meant meeting Patton.

A photographer that was more of a consultant for the company than anything, considering how he had long since branched out his work to other people willing to pay him for his time and effort, but it was enough for them to get together, and that's what mattered.

Dee blinks away his train of thought when the plane begins to move on the runway and he clenches his fist. Not 'together' together, but he was more than content with the way things were now, no need to try and ruin a good thing. One of the best things in his life actually, his relationship with Patton was something he would never want to jeopardize or risk losing and the plane was moving awfully fast now wasn't it, was it supposed to be as bumpy as it was when they hadn't even left the ground-?

"What's on your mind honey-dee, you're looking a little green," Patton looks at him in barely concealed concern, hesitantly setting his hand on top of his clenched fist, and he consciously moves to uncurl his fingers to link theirs together.

"Oh, just letting my mind wander and thinking about how we met, you know, just staying on topic."

He can feel the way his heart rate skyrockets when the plane jolts before settling, and he purses his lips when Patton’s eyes widen when something seems to click in his mind.

“Are you afraid of flying?”

“...Only the take off and landings,” he mutters, finally succumbing to the urge to squeeze his eyes shut, his breath hitching when his ears pop and they seem to be ascending one final time.

“Can you breathe with me honey?” he asks softly, squeezing his hand in encouragement when he gets a jerky nod in return, and Dee thinks distantly that that’s a feat in and of itself considering how hard  _ he _ was already holding on, but he can’t make himself let go of this comfort. 

With the immediate problem out of the way, it was easier to focus on the way that they were so close, slow and measured intakes and exhales less and less like a chore to his aching chest.

"Do you remember how it took us two months to learn how to navigate the city?" He asks lightly, and Dee isn't blind or ungrateful to his attempt at distracting him from the lingering adrenaline. He takes the bait gladly.

"If I recall correctly, it was _you_ who insisted that we go out as often as we did- resulting in a lot of wrong turns and late nights finding our home again."

Patton pouts, batting his eyes to appear more innocent, "Well maybe we got into a bit more hijinks than the average Joe, but at least we aren't the average Patton and Dee."

"Still, so many back alley 'shortcuts' and shady hole in the wall places," he mumbles, sinking into his seat with a smile. 

He goes unquestioningly when the other guides his head to share the neck pillow wrapped around his own.

"Maybe. I'd like to think we had some fun times."

Dee doesn't miss the way their volume had lowered, but he does manage to forgo his usual filters to reply with sleepy honesty.

"The best…"

It was a long flight, and a lovely nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried to make this a bit longer lol, but I should probably be sleeping lmfaoooooo
> 
> Dee deserves more perspective time I think~

**Author's Note:**

> I've got projects up my sleeve, most of them moceit w00ps. I've just been really slow, so I'm hoping this low stakes side project will get me motivated again lol.
> 
> Just some good ol' fashioned mutual pining and fake dating (maybe even an there was only one bed?)
> 
> Hope you liked it enough to stick around for the next part:D


End file.
